Thank You for Your provision, Lord. You have brought me to this place and provided yet again, but I must confess that there still resides some fear.
Fear that this might be a mistake.
Fear that I will fail.
Fear that I’m not good enough.
But even as I write this, You speak Truth over my fear.
You tell me that You have intentionally brought me to this place. from the first days of my life, You saw and knew this moment, the twists, and You knew that my path would take me here. It is not by mistake that I find myself here.
You ask me what I think of as failure. What I may view as failure, in itself, is much more than that. If I “fail” then that means that was not where You would have me to go.
You show me all that I have learned and come to know during this whole process, the growth there has been simply in the “getting there;” there is so much there to be gained and learned from, failure or not.
Failure, You tell me, might sting initially as unexpected things do, but it is You who wants what is best for me, redirecting my path, moving me toward what You would have me work toward, Your perfect plan for my life, where you would have me go or what you would have me do. You remind me of a professor’s wise words to “invest deeply and hold loosely;” to allow this outcome to be what would serve You and bring You glory above all else, and that no matter what ends up happening, I would leave space within the success or the failure for You to work and guide me, not becoming foolish enough to think that I can handle it or navigate it on my own.
You tell me that on my own, I can do nothing. On my own, I am not good enough. You have brought me to this place of humble reliance on Your strength because where You have called me, I cannot do it without You. Everything inside me tells me that the easy thing to do would be to do something safer, and my comfort zone screams for a path that is more tame and something I could control.
You tell me that You created me the way that I am, red hair, bookworm, and introverted as I am so that when You brought me to this place, I’d have no choice but to rely on Your strength and trust in Your provision.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
“God’s way is perfect. The Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all those who turn to Him for protection.” Psalm 18:30
This verse has been a comfort and solace to me since that first summer 3 years ago when I began to feel that nudge to pursue ministry. May it still be.
soli Deo gloria forever and ever